Barbie’s Dirty Jobsposted on 3/13/13
This month Barbie turns 54. In her colorful lifetime Barbie has had many career changes. She has dabbled in education, politics, medicine, public service, the arts, and the world of business. But as they say, a woman’s work is never done! Here we take a look at some of the more physically demanding and nausea-inducing career paths that Barbie has yet to conquer.
The Good, the Bad, and the Barbie: A Doll’s History and Her Impact on Us
Everything goes with black! Chimney Sweeping would require Barbie to manually clear ash and soot from chimneys. She could even take on a child apprentice for those hard to reach spots, which would be a great bonding experience for her little sister Kelly. Although breathing in those pesky carcinogens all day would pose a health risk, think about how great all that chimney-climbing would be for her abs!
Sometimes it’s nice to go out in the country and get some fresh air! If Barbie took up a career in Alligator Farming, she would be responsible for breeding and raising these tough little critters to sell for meat, leather, and other goods. She would have to be careful not to get eaten, but think of the cute alligator skin purses she could have!
Bug infestations are no laughing matter. Working as an Exterminator, Barbie would have to put on her bravest face to help people rid their homes of insects and other pests. The fumes from the pesticides pose a bit of a health risk, but everyone knows guys with termites in their attic are crazy good in bed!
That blue collar would really complement her eyes! If Barbie decided to pursue a career as a Coal Miner, she would be underground everyday toiling away and helping to create energy by harvesting this black gold from the earth. Sure, there’s always the danger that the mineshaft might cave in, but there’s also a chance she might find a big shiny diamond!
Due to differences in wool quality, not all sheep are keepers. Should Barbie decide to get into the Sheep Castration business, she would be responsible for snipping the manhood right off these poor fluffy bastards that didn’t “make the cut” as breeding sheep. It is sad seeing animals in pain, but Barbie would have access to tons of cuddly little lambs to snuggle with!
Sometimes bad things happen to good dolls. As a Medical Examiner, Barbie would be inspecting dead bodies to determine a cause of death and collect any clues that were left behind to help catch the killer. While it is a morbid line of work, it would give Barbie first hand knowledge of all the latest crime gossip!
One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure! Entering the noble profession of Garbage Collection would mean early morning shifts removing waste from residences and commercial properties alike. Although this would involve suffering through many unpleasant sights and smells, Barbie would have first pick of any discarded fashion accessories or unwanted beauty products!
Who needs an expensive painting hanging over your fireplace when there are plenty of live animals running around just asking to be killed and mounted? Should Barbie choose to become a Taxidermist she would be in charge of preparing, stuffing, and mounting dead animals for display. Barbie could work for museums, hunters, or just sad people who want to preserve their beloved pet in the afterlife. For a woman who looks this good at 54, the craft of artificial preservation would suit her well!