Brown Megaphoneposted on 8/15/13
Grab an extra roll of TP, because studies show that the Brown Note is Real and For Sale! A long time urban legend parodied by popular cartoon program South Park and Mythbusted by the Mythbusters, recent developments in Sonic Novelty Technology have accomplished the impossible. The Brown Megaphone: a device when activated and spoken into will cause anyone in the direction of it’s power to immediately evacuate their bowels!
Scientist have been testing for months will different frequents and sub-audible noises (aka lower than the range human ears can actually hear) using targeting methods from acoustic weaponry utilized by the military. The basis of this technology is causing a Vibroacoustic syndrome which effects the fluid-filled parts of the body. Long Range Acoustic Devices or LRADs have been used to for crowd control and by the US Navy against modern pirates by sending out ear-piercing high frequency sounds that cause confusion, nausea and general harmful pain-inducing symptoms , headphones are required by the operators of the devices to not be effected themselves and the same is true for the Brown Megaphone, if the user is not protected from the low frequency noises, there will be splash-back.
When tested on a wide audience of people of different ages, weight, body types, gender and race, all of them immediately crapped their pants when exposed to the sound of the Brown Megaphone. Other than the clear novelty uses of this device, there are beneficial social uses as well, as a tool for doctors for patients with constipation, by police officers against unruly criminals to slow their escape and of course, the origins of the technology, for military use against enemy combatants, now unable to focus on fighting our troops because they have pooped all over themselves.
The future’s getting browner all the time.
What does the future hold for this technology? Top Prank Scientists are now researching methods to send this sound as message to a person’s phone to make their friends poop themselves on a date, also funding has been going into “brown images” or “medusa images” that when a viewer is exposed to certain arrangement of colors and shapes, similar to the brown megaphone they will poop themselves, pee themselves, laugh uncontrollably, go blind, or go insane, or pass out. Of course this technology must be safe-guarded and not fall into the wrong hands, already since the unveiling of the brown megaphone, a prankster in Chicago has used the technology on a news broadcast causing half of the city’s morning news watchers in close earshot to their televisions to ruin their pajamas.