Halloween Costume Idea: Flying Pig

posted on 10/25/14

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The Flying Pig is a beacon of hope in an otherwise dreary world. He soars through the sky with the majesty of ten thousand bald eagles. For centuries, the Flying Pig was thought to be a mythological creature. Something so infeasible that it’s hypothesized existence became synonymous with the word “never”. People would often use the expression “When pigs fly” to convey the impossibility of any number of unlikely outcomes. These naysayers were thrown quite the evolutionary curve-ball last week when a new species of pig was discovered in a remote part of the Appalachian Mountains in West Virginia.

While scientists are still in the early stages of research, the origins of this magnificent creature are thought to be a mutation in the genetic structure of the Appalachian swine population. Locals have described legends of these winged pigs making appearances in the region over the past several years, but these sightings were chalked up to being moonshine induced hallucinations. It wasn’t until recorded evidence was introduced by a nature photographer who caught a glimpse of the Flying Pig, that these claims were taken seriously.

The mating habits and genealogy of the Flying Pig are relatively mysterious. It is thought by some that the pigs inherited their wings, which span five feet in length, from a bird ancestor that had the desire and capability of procreating with this mammalian species. Others suggest that the pigs adapted to their environment and started growing wings as a way to seek out food sources from the air. These pigs are reported to be a carnivorous and predatory species. The Flying Pig has been observed circling above intended prey, then making a rapid descent to scoop up the meal with their talon-like hooves. Family pets and small children have been reported missing, causing many to take to the mountain woods in search of vengeance on these potbellied beasts.

Thus far, none of the hunters or researchers have been successful in capturing a Flying Pig, dead or alive. They are an extremely intelligent and agile creature, adept at evading humans in their natural habitat. Animal rights activists have pledged to protect these soaring squealers by sabotaging any traps that have been set by Flying Pig poachers. Skeletal remains have been found, but are thought to belong to Flying Pigs that have died from natural causes. Meanwhile, hyperbolic promises across the nation continue to be a source of contentious debate.

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