Hollywood’s Failed Brogue Attempts

posted on 3/13/13

As an accent enthusiast, I have spent literally thousands of hours studying the idiosyncrasies of the Irish brogue. Without question, the brogue is a difficult accent to pull off. However, it is not impossible to master. With Hollywood’s seemingly endless budget, I think better vocal coaches should be hired.

Brad Pitt is many things: sex symbol, living replica of Michelangelo’s David, and tamer of Angelina Jolie. You might have even noticed that Brad has quite a successful acting career. With that said, Brad’s Irish accent needs some serious work in The Devil’s Own

Worst line: “I need that money, tom!”

Oh, dear sweet Justin Theroux. You better be counting your lucky stars that Jennifer Aniston does not judge a man on his accent interpretations. Theroux’s accent in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle
is nothing short of misery. On the other hand, the skill he exhibits at walking out of flames shirtless is wonderful.

Worst line: “I’m gonna teach you and your friends about pain.” or maybe he’s saying “I’m gonna teach you and your friends about pen.” I can’t really tell.

Ordinary Decent Criminal, a movie I have not seen, is so chock full of horrible accents I couldn’t bear to watch more than the this three minute clip. There was a time in my life that I thought Kevin Spacey could do anything. The sampling of his Irish accent in this movie has now destroyed my dream. And Colin Farrell? Look, I know he’s Irish but his accent sounds just as terrible.

Worst line: “You’ve no mountains in Holland.”

Julia Roberts’ accent in Mary Reilly is really something special. It seems like her vocal chords are confused. Perhaps they have developed a personality disorder. One moment Roberts sounds southern, the next she is English, and finally she sounds slightly Irish but more like what I imagine a drunk leprechaun sounds like. Suffice it to say, I think she could afford to hire a vocal coach or twelve.

Worst line: “I feel safe here, is all”

A proper Bostonian accent has interesting subtleties that makes it difficult to pull off. Yet, people keep trying and failing. Enter: Julianne Moore in 30 Rock. I can’t even describe the horror. You have to just hear it for yourself. Let’s hope Moore tanked this accent for comic effect.

Worst line: everything that comes out of her mouth. Luckily for us, Tina Fey is around the minimize the blow of Moore’s accent.

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