Party In The NSA: Government Surveillance Theme Party

posted on 8/22/13

Job, relationships, bills: Has life got you “snowed in?” Sucks for you, because we here at NSA headquarters are having a great time. We’re watching your every move and we think you’re awesome and hilarious. As a matter of fact, after watching you, your dog, your friends and your entire family, all this surveillance makes us want to party out of our heads! If you tire of your drab everyday routine, maybe it’s time for you to join us, but we have a couple of rules, number one: please don’t leak our secrets to our enemies or we’ll chase you out of the country. We hate party poopers, whistleblowers, and doc leakers but if you can keep a secret, then all you need is a fake mustache, black sunglasses, fedora and the passwords to everyone’s email accounts and you too can throw your own Government Surveillance NSA Theme Party, just remember, if you tell anyone about this, your contract will be terminated!

Secret Document 1: Spy Gear

When attending a NSA Theme Party, your true identity must be maintained. There are numerous ways of disguising yourself; the preferred methods are hats, glasses, wigs, and fake facial hair. Sometimes your assignments may take you to the lap the luxury, you must be prepared to blend in with high society if need be, for these diplomatic missions. We keep a full catalog of formal attire: bow ties, top hats, hosiery and opera gloves at your disposal. NSA Theme Party protocol dictates use extreme caution in selecting spy gear to not look too tacky or “try too hard”.

If you leak our secrets, we will find you and you will never see us coming.

If you leak our secrets, we will find you and you will never see us coming.

Secret Document 2: Audio/Visual

Government Approved NSA Theme Party Audio/Visual List:
Any/All Spy Kids Films
Any/All James Bond Films
Any/All Mission Impossible Films
Any/All Jason Bourne Films
The Manchurian Candidate
La Femme Nikita
True Lies
First Kid

Secret Document 3: Resource Management

Members of the NSA Theme party must be fed by any means necessary. Preferred methods include undercover pizza, secret snacks, and possibly clandestine cupcakes. If time is running out and a NSA storehouse cannot be reached, in a pinch, silent soda and covert chips will have to do. Alcohol in many flavorful styles and combinations is useful for getting targets to divulge secrets; however agents should be advised to not over-indulge and risk blowing their cover by blowing chunks. A proper NSA theme party should include exercises in the use of surveillance equipment. NSA theme party protocol approves of the use of simple behavioral exercises including the game “telephone” and for more daring agents, the dreaded “truth or dare” (but don’t you dare tell the truth about this party!)

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