The Benny Hill Guide to the 2013 Academy Awardsposted on 2/22/13
Get your kazoos and slide whistles ready for this list of zany movies nominated for Oscars at the 2013 Academy Awards.
The year is 1865 and the American Civil War is coming to an end. With peace and resolution almost at hand, President Lincoln must act quickly to pass a constitutional amendment banning slavery in the United States. This means negotiating a lot of backroom deals with obstinate congressmen. Cue the Benny Hill music as Lincoln frantically scrambles to get all the votes he needs by greasing wheels and making promises of power to combat the racist shenanigans of greedy politicians.
Pay Homage: Lincoln Beard
Life of Pi
After a terrible shipwreck that kills his family, Pi Patel is stranded in the middle of the ocean drifting on a lifeboat with a Bengal tiger. Talk about an odd couple! These two mismatched cohabitants make the best out of sharing their floating bachelor pad. Cue the Benny Hill music as our orphaned protagonist simultaneously cares for, and tries not to get eaten by, his four-legged man-eating buddy.
Pay Homage: Tiger Hat and Gloves
In this period drama set in 19th century France, the lazy poors decide to revolt against job-creating rich folk. Sound familiar? Jean Valjean is a paroled prisoner who goes on the lam to start a new life as a factory owner/Mayor. One of his factory workers, Fantine, gets dismissed by the foreman for sending money to her daughter and has to start turning tricks. When she is killed by an overzealous customer, Valjean promises to look after her daughter. Cue the Benny Hill music as Valjean attempts to evade the grudge-holding police officer who has been tracking him since he broke his parole, while also struggling in his role as a single dad.
Pay Homage: Dirty Face Soap
Silver Linings Playbook
Things aren’t going so well for old Pat Solitano. First he catches his wife cheating and beats her lover nearly to death. Then he gets confined to a mental institution and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. When his mom gets him released, he has to go back to living with his folks while trying to win back his cheating ex-wife who has a restraining order against him. Cue the Benny Hill music as Pat fumbles his way through a dancing competition to repay his father’s gambling debts and impress his ex.
Pay Homage: Coach Whistle
Based on a declassified true story, this political thriller follows the 1980 CIA operation to extract American embassy workers out of Iran by staging a fake Canadian movie production. Ben Affleck directs and stars as Tony Mendez, the leader behind this harebrained scheme. Hijinks ensue as the Iranian government starts poking around this sham movie set. Cue the Benny Hill music as these wacky infidels try to escape the wrath of Iranian security forces.
Pay Homage: Brown Beard
Zero Dark Thirty
Another political thriller? You bet! Zero Dark Thirty tells the story of the decade long mission to capture and kill noted boogeyman, Osama Bin Laden. Maya, a fresh-faced CIA operative, comes around to Uncle Sam’s ways of obtaining information through, er, persuasive tactics. She spends ten years hunting down the #1 Most Wanted Terrorist until finally his location is determined. The Navy Seals infiltrate Bin Laden’s compound in Pakistan and kill their target. Cue the Benny Hill music as the Seals gather up the body and a bunch of Intel before the Pakistani air force closes in on them.
Pay Homage: Classic Black Aviators
German-born bounty hunter, Dr. Schultz, purchases the freedom of a slave named Django in order to identify some wanted men that Django is familiar with. The two strike up a partnership hunting bounties and sharing the proceeds. When Dr. Schultz creates a ruse to get Django back with his wife, who was sold to a sadistic plantation owner, things get a little complicated. Cue the Benny Hill music as this freed slave attempts to rescue his lady love from the clutches of Calvin Candie, without the slave owner realizing he has been bamboozled.
Pay Homage: Ball and Chain
Some bad dudes are after beleaguered underdog Jimmy Bond, yet again. Only this time he’s got a bunch of fancy cars and expensive gadgets and smoking hot babes to help him foil those meanie villains. Cue the Benny Hill music as Jimmy scraps with the evil doers in this super not-boring cinematic adventure.
Pay Homage: Black Bow Tie
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Hushpuppy is a fierce little girl who lives with her father in a derelict bayou community. Things are going alright until her daddy gets real sick, and global warming takes its course. Now Hushpuppy’s rough-and-tumble ways must protect her from a catastrophic storm, child protective services, and some big, scary prehistoric creatures looking for trouble. Cue the Benny Hill music as our feisty, pint-sized heroine escapes from a refugee hospital and goes searching for her long lost mother.
Pay Homage: Hog Nose
Whip Whitaker may be a troubled divorcee with a tremendous substance abuse problem, but that doesn’t mean he can’t also be a national hero! Try telling that to the squares over at the NSA though. After he successfully crash lands a malfunctioning commercial jet, Whip’s demons come under scrutiny. Now he has to cover up the fact that he was intoxicated during the incident, despite it having nothing to do with the plane’s mechanical errors. Cue the Benny Hill music as John Goodman’s character is ushered in last minute to get Whip into fighting shape for the big hearing via emergency cocaine rations.
Pay Homage: Blue Aviator Cap