US Gas Prices Crash, People React By Wearing Shutter Shades

posted on 2/26/13


The scene outside of a local gas station.

In reaction to gas prices plunging to 46 cents a gallon over the past several hours, according to sources, gas station customers are wearing shutter shades en masse. The precise reasons are currently unknown and are being speculated upon wildly by social and market analysts; still, experts find themselves struggling to explain in clear terms how a drop in gas prices could motivate a large number of people to go to the streets wearing shutter shades simultaneously. “I just don’t get it,” said Alan Ofterson, a resource analyst with more than 50 years of professional experience covering petroleum fluctuations and their effect on the public. “Is this one of those… flash… mobs? I certainly didn’t get the email. Maybe it’s all the text messaging people are doing these days.”


Prez Obama: “Deal With It”

President Obama was reached for his reaction, he himself in purple half shutter shades, the president had no comment, he just smiled at us and let us take a picture. Our reporters took to the streets to get answers from the crowds themselves, a duo of young men identified themselves as “Chillendawg” and “Supbrah” agreed to answer our questions. “Basically, we think gas prices suck and the gas price crash is just totally dope.” said Chillendawg. Supbrah quickly agreed and threw us a peace sign and added “Peace Son”.


At this time there seems to be no end in sight to the massive demonstration–or whatever–and no timetable for crowds removing themselves from public places. Similar to the Tea Party and Occupy movement, the Shutter Shaders have began making their demands. Demands for BBQ, nachos, light beer, and more wayfarer style shutter shades in bulk amounts in all available colors and styles have been made with local police and officals.

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